Hello Gang! Here I am to harass you all with another useless rant. One of my delusions in life is this thing called writing. I tried various tips and suggestions from websites and the occasional reference book. For months now I have been stumped but my brain swirls with many many thoughts. If there are any writers here, can i get a few ideas of how to even start.
One of the great boons of my job is that it gives way too much time to think. While listening to various podcasts on my cheap little MP3 player, I came to realize that we are control freaks. We try like hell to control everyone and everything. We know that it is fruitless but we try nonetheless. I ask myself if control is worth the possibility of alienating those you love orshort circuiting possile bonds. The answer I keep coming it with is no. The prime examples in my life is my best friend and ex-wife. Control is their entire world. They put these walls up around themselves and try as I might, I can't get through. As a result, they are distant. I know had my days like that but I try hardest not be that way. I wish the would let someone in. Anyway, I'm gonna go to bed and rest my brain.
"The rumors of my demise are greatly exaggerated"- Mark Twain Hello All! After nearly a year, I am back and ready to post my mind. Having trouble with my best friend AGAIN!!!!! One of her ex boyfriends began a relationship with a woman she didn't like. She went on this rant that she didn't want this woman around her home, her person, or her kid. I tried to ask her what the deal was and she went off me saying that I was implying that she was a jealous. After things like this, I usually give her a wide berth. next thing I know, I am "banned" her presence until I apologize. F*** that! She has lost her fool mind folks. Oddly enough, I feel free. I still her consider her my friend . It is up to her if wants to repair the rift.
A majority of my friends are white. I love them to death but they say things that drive me insane. They see a me as a reprentative of my culture (I hate saying race and I apologies for the inaccuracy). Anyway, when they something that appears culturally insensitve, they always proceed with no offense. I know some of us do lose our cool about most of those statements (and not without reason) but some of us can either laugh them off or tell someone not to repaet them again. All of this got me thinking: since when the hell did we become so damned sensitve about everything? Someone has a differing opinion (no matter how uniformed or retarded that it is percieved) that person is entitled to it. I do admit that some people have the tact of a small nuclear bomb (my bf included). We do have the right to disagree, but we can't go out and wage WW III over it. Maybe I'm naive or too damned simple for my own good.
Here I am in few short sentences: My name is Mike....My parents are Raymond and Joyce....They divorced when I was three and my mom died of cancer in 2001...I am the oldest of three children, I have a sister and a brother, Debra and Robert and two nieces Dominique and Charmay...As for me, I am divorced with no children and I am 40 years old....What else can I add? Well, I love to read, watch sports, play card and role playing games, and I'm trying to write that great American novel. That's it for now....Mike
I find myself with a dilema...as some of you are aware, things wih my best friend has been kinda rocky...despite the fact that she is going through some medical issues, i cannot help but feel that she is being a selfish bitch...i have some things going on too, but when i try to talk to her, she dismisses me...to be quite honest, i'm getting tired of it and my patience is way past thin....i could try to discuss this with her which would do no good....looks like the only course is to just stay way until the she passes the redwood in her ass....anyway, input is always welcome..
Sorry I haven't blogged in forever, but I didn't have much to say as per normal....anyway, I've been ex-wife free for the last few months now and I find myself missing her...I'm sure we'll talk again some where down the pipe....Last time I saw her, we almost kissed, but I resisted the urge....Currently, I made the aquaintance of a woman named Renata...she resides in Canada and is divorced with one son, apparently he ex is a major douchebag....the two of us are so much alke it's not even funny...Tried again with writing and I bloody suck!!!! plus I owe the government a whopping $53...my best friend is having some medical issues and swears no one asks abbout her....WHAT THE HELL????.....I've only been her best friend for twenty years and it seems to me that it doesn't mean shit to her....I'm trying my damndest to be patient and it's wearing thin...i wanna say screw it and go on with life....what is one to do?
My sister and i got into a highly spirited discussion about race....i told her that a friend of mine told her hi and she asked if was still with that 'white girl'....i responded with he still with his girlfriend and she came back that white girl again....i asked is that black women use that term when a black man date a white a woman; she responded that black men see white as easy to control.....last time i checked, i date a woman because i like her and vice versa and no woman, no matter of race is easy to control....anyway, she accused me of defending whit folks and brought up how our people we nslaved and all that and wanting to make black and white get along....
Myself personally, i was offended....by no means am i naive that all people can get along or trying to erase slavery from the history books...the main i have a problem with is that we are trying so damned hard to hang to ignorance in any form....i've been told by some white that thay would associate with me becuse i was black and my own people tell that i don't speak like them and made fun of me for it....i've seen the good and bad of both and i don't hate either one....it's amazing that we can acept gays and lesbians (i have nothing against them) and we can accept each other simply because of skin color or religion and etc...i know that racism will always exsist but i don't have to like it...when will ever see that it wasteful and destructive?....that we accept our differences and accept each other....am i crazy for thinking this way?
Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Year (Happy Holidays to those who are PC)...For once in my 40 years of living, I am glad Christmas is over!!!! The turkey I cooked was a little overcooked, the cornbread dressing looked like Lord-knows-what, my aunt complained about everything and thier f***ing dog....other than that, Chrismas was great!!!! My potato salad was the hit of the meal and the only good was the fact that I got drunk the night before...Well, I had a birthday on the 11th in which I turned the great 4-0...I shot some pool and shared a meal with my buds....my ex-wife and I are still talking...she called me one night cryting cause her marriage is on the rocks, I thought that I would be happy when it happened to her but I found myself feeling sorry for her....she apologized for putting through the divorce and all....also she said that she never stopped loving me...I chocked that up to her being upset...anyway, gotta jet...
Hey folks! I would like to send out my thoughts and prayers to my neighbors in Galveston and Port Bolivar as well as Orange and Bridge City. You'll be back and better than ever!! For the record, hurricanes suck!!! I stayed behind so my grandfather wouldn't be alone. He slept through it while stayed awake. Twelve hours of hell. Amazingly, we lost a few shingles. There no power of course but the days were a lot cooler. I still haven't defated from all this stuff and feel myself a little on edge with everyone and everything.....Gotta git and for any trekkies out there....closing hailing frequencies.....
Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I went to New Orleans a couple of weeks ago....It was only for a couple of days but anythinh to get away from this town, my job, and I've never been there...wasn't there long enough to see the highlights, but I did see the Superdome and a piece of Bourbon Street...We had seen some old friends who cooked a mexican feast in our honor and had eaten @ a place called Mo's where the pizzas are freakin' humongous!!! A short trip but nice.....
I'm back again and I have no idea what to prattle about...My 4th of july went well. Some friend and I got together for barbecue and a huge water fight!!!! People are brutal. The night wrapped with going downtown and watching fireworks. A friend got a job working at the state pen, counting prisoners. She been there almost a month and she has seen and heard some strange things. As for me, not much but work and hanging out with my buds who are encouraging me to get off my ass and start writing that great american novel i keep talking about . Problem is getting started. Took some much needed time off and going to New Orleans to see some old friends...
For the last few months, I've been having conversations with my ex-wife. Some have been cordial, some bullshit, some a tad explosive. Hell, a few short years ago, we would have probably killed each other. She has gotten married to a guy that she claimed that she was not having an affair with and had his kid and is helping him raise his another from another relationship. You're probably thinking why on God's green earth am I talking to this woman? I asked myself that exact same question. As a friend of mine once said, sometimes you have to step into the bear trap to see what's going on. I guess this is my bear trap. She's made contact and I need to know why or if I'm smart I'll end it now.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I've been concentrating on my health. Lately, I've been feeling fatigued and discovered that my potassium level was low. Also my blood sugar is under control and the doc and I are going to concentrate on my weight. Other than that, all is well. i'll post again later....
Well boys and girls, it's Friday and, depending on how hard a grip The Man has on your sack, you can use this time to let off some steam. For me, however, I only have tonight off and hopefully having some Chinese food with some buddies and sharing a few laughs and bask in the comraderie. Unfortunately I start my work week tomorrow afternoon (did I mention this really sucks?). A friend of mine right is having woman trouble (who doesn't?). He had a thing for her since her met her a Wal-Mart. There a some pitfalls here: 1) She's a manager, 2) She is married and has a 12-yr old son, and yeah 3) SHE'S MARRIED!!!!
After some flirting and cat and mouse plus some cold shoulder moments, he professes his love for her and she tells him that she is interested. Then she puts him on ice. Rumor says that she came into work on cloud nine and he believes that she screwed that cop who provides security at night an now his pride is hurt. This woman has put this pour man through the ringer and I am running out of things to tell him. I believe that he should go on with his life and find someone new. But like all who are scorned, he wants to take a last cheap shot at her. HELP!!!!
I ran across this quote when I serfed the net and spent a majority of the night reflecting upon it (I love the mental excercise). It made me think about the what faces we put on for people we meet. Bosses, co-workers, associates (is that the same thing?), even families and friends. We (or society) preach these messages about being ourselves and all that. Bullshit!!! Why do we feel the need to hide ourselves from the world and those we are closest to? Is it fear of being judged? Is it fear of being alone? What is it that we are trying to hide?
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've been a little busy with life in general. Anyway, I took a day off to attend my best friend Dana's b-day get together to see a friend I haven't seen in a while and eat some good food and get a little drunk. Remember, that post about bridges? Well, my bud that I haven't seen in a while wanted to toss back a few and wanted me to join him. He revealed to me a abusive family life, more than a few abusive relationships, and other things I will not devulge. My heart went out to him. So much pain, I advised so kind of counseling to deal with things.....
We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
tom stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )
I heard this quote on one of my favorite shows, Criminal Minds and it got me to thinking. Do we really get over the bridges? Honestly, the past should stay there but in reality, it's always there. it permeates oue every day lives. The past shapes our realationships and how we live. Right now, my divorce has me gun shy about women and occassionally has me questioning my woth as a man. In my mind, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. Unfortunately, we can't even do that...
Where was I? Yes, not recoginzing her anymore. In her defense, she is going through some shit right now, but that does not give one the right to treat anyone like shit, you know? What worries me is that we don't talk anymore. In fact, one night, I was in a foul mood and didn't want to talk about what was bothering me. She pulls out the I don't talk to her anymore card and that I would talk to others before I talked to her. I spilled my guts and felt better. A few weeks later, I had something I wanted to talk to her about and she dismissed me!!! I couldn't fucking believe it!!! I feel as though I am at my wit's end with her. So many times I thought about saying fuck it and end my 20-year friendship. She is closer to me than anyone and that's what makes this hurt so damned much. Gonna wrap this up and I'll update later.
Here I am with one of these things that no one gives a fucking damn about. As you can probably tell, I'm a tad bit bitter today and I feel the need to let off a little steam. Where can I start? Well, I guess I could start with my best friend Dana. Lately, she's been alittle bitchy and has felt the need to take it out on me. Before you say it, I know that everyone has bad days and unfortunately one takes it out on the people closest to them. I used to do the same shit, but I'm trying really damned hard to change it because of the bodies I left lying around. Another issue I have with her is that she seems to think that she is better than me. Like she's above me and shit. She goes to school, get a degree, and think she's superior. I'm glad she's gotten her life together somewhat and I'm happy for her, but I feel that I don't recognize her anymore..
